Welcome To Wherever You Are (Episode 715)
First Aired: Sunday, 26th March, 2006
Story: Josh Singer
Director: Matia Karrell




There were a lot of scenes in this episode where Josh and Donna were in the same room, but either in isolated conversations of their own (on their respective mobile phones), or not speaking directly to each other. In the interests of brevity, I've included just the snippets of conversation where they actually had dialogue together.











This Is News?
Santos campaign plane. Josh and Lou discuss strategy for the last five days leading up to the election, as the rest of Team Santos enter.

JOSH: (studying a map of the country) I'm just saying, Everest is for sissies.
LOU: You're a masochist.
DONNA: (as she enters the room with Santos and Helen in tow) This is news?
JOSH: Hey. I heard he did well.
HELEN: Almost as well as Mr Wonder.








This Is A Mess
Santos campaign bus. Chaos reigns as Santos and his staff try to do a million different things in a very confined space.

DONNA: (passes him some papers) Latest polls from AP and Reuters.
JOSH: Okay, thank you.
(Donna starts to walk down the aisle of the bus towards the exit, when Josh calls after her)
JOSH: Hey, hold on--I need the polling detail for the, um ...
DONNA: Otto! (she exits)
(far, far too much goes on here for me to transcribe--in short, Santos and Teddy discuss Latino voter turnout in Miami-Dade and the ineligiblity of ex-cons to vote, Lou wonders where her phone is and Otto runs up the aisle of the bus with a stack of papers, with predictable results)
DONNA: (re-entering amid all the papers strewn on the ground from Otto's fall) This is a mess.
LOU: That's helpful.
DONNA: (to Josh) You know, he's got the Times Tribune call.
JOSH: Yeah.








You think?
Santos campaign bus. Josh, Donna and Santos discuss Colorado and the press.

SANTOS: What is happening in Colorado?
JOSH: Sullivan parachuted in last week. He seemed to have an impact.
SANTOS: You think?
JOSH: Donna's looking for some surrogates to send in.
DONNA: (appears beside him) Berryhill's sick, the AG's a no.
JOSH: Any takers on the slogan story?
DONNA: We struck out on Reuters and the Post.
JOSH: Times?
OTTO: (interrupting) The CIA briefer's here.








He's The Only Guy In America That I Can't Get On The Phone
Santos campaign bus. Josh, Donna, Lou, Otto and Jon Bon Jovi each discuss ... something (there are far too many mobile phones in this scene ...)

DONNA: (sitting next to Josh, on her mobile phone) I've got Annabeth.
JOSH: (also on a mobile phone) Tell her I'll--I'll call her ... (into phone) Yeah, hi there!
DONNA: (into phone) Hi, he's going to call you back. (hangs up)
JOSH: Yeah ... yeah ... he can call back. (hangs up) That's unbelievable.
DONNA: Russell ditch you again?
JOSH: He's the only guy in America that I can't get on the phone.
DONNA: You want me to try?








Probably Not A Field Operative
Santos campaign plane. Donna, Josh, Santos and the rest of the staffers board the plane in between appointments.

SANTOS: You know, I had a couple more questions for that, uh, CIA briefer about the troops that are stationed at the--
JOSH: Yeah, we lost that guy at the rally.
DONNA: Probably not a field operative.








Oh, Sweet Lord In Heaven ...
Airport hanger, Dayton, Ohio. After Otto leaves, Donna approaches Josh to discuss the Leno skit.

JOSH: We're late.
DONNA: Annabeth said they'd be here any minute.
JOSH: Yeah.
DONNA: The Congressman seems a little irritated.
JOSH: He's sleep deprived, like the rest of us.
DONNA: Sure.
(in the background, a siren sounds, and Josh and Donna begin walking)
JOSH: Bartlet put his fist through a couple of walls last week of the first campaign. Where are we on Leno?
DONNA: They've got this whole Robin Hood Hallowe'en skit they want to do.
JOSH: Robin Hood?
DONNA: (sighs) Santos starts talking about closing off tax loopholes for the rich, Leno asks what he was for Hallowe'en. They cut to a pre-recorded bit of the Congressman trick-or-treating in a Robin Hood costume. (they reach a black SUV, Josh opens the door and Helen Santos emerges) I was thinking maybe without the tights?
HELEN: Tights? My husband in tights?
DONNA: Mrs Santos.
ANNABETH: (exiting after her) Might lock up the women's vote.
HELEN: You've never seen his legs.
JOSH: We're late--if we could ... (he gestures for them to start walking, which they do)
HELEN: Yeah. Where are my kids?
DONNA: They're in the press van, they're getting a head start on trick-or-treating.
HELEN: Oh, that's great. (she turns and begins walking in a different direction towards the press van)
JOSH: Uh, Mrs Santos!
DONNA: Mrs Santos!
HELEN: (she stops, and walks back to them) Probably not the best place for me right now, huh? Well, if someone else wouldn't mind checking to make sure my kids aren't falling into a diabetic coma?
ANNABETH: I'm on it.
HELEN: Great. (she walks straight past Josh and Donna, and Josh literally bounces up and down with barely-contained frustration)
JOSH: Oh, sweet Lord in heaven ...
DONNA: Yeah ... about the, um, Robin Hood sketch?
JOSH: He's already shown the felons the love, we don't need him to dress up like one.
DONNA: So, how should I handle Leno?
JOSH: Come up with something funnier.








Annabeth Likes The Tights
Santos campaign plane. Donna and Josh discuss the Leno skit again.

DONNA: We're nowhere on Leno.
JOSH: Annabeth have any ideas?
DONNA: Annabeth likes the tights.
JOSH: (sighs) Yeah.
(Santos and Helen lead their tired, sick children into the plane and settle them in, then Santos asks Otto about Nancy McNally's whereabouts)
SANTOS: (to Josh) Nancy McNally left.
JOSH: Uh, yes, Sir. She had a last-minute meeting--
SANTOS: Yeah, can we get her on the phone?
JOSH: Sure. (Josh glances at Donna) Sir, there's an issue with the Tonight Show.
SANTOS: The Tonight Show.
DONNA: Leno's got this idea for a sketch. It involves a Robin Hood costume--we're not that wild about the costume, or--
SANTOS: I need to get McNally on the phone. I've got a conference call with Hal Waller at nine--you really think this is the best use of my time?




Many thanks to The West Wing Collection for the wonderful screencaps!